HOW DO I DEAL WITH FAMILY ISSUES?

FAMILY ISSUES AND PROBLEMS

All relationships and families go through difficult times and experiencing occasional problems and conflict in personal relationships is normal. They are a universal phenomenon and realities of any family that has ever existed ranging from marital strife to parenting challenges, financial tension, or struggles throughout the extended family. Always address family problems with an attitude grounded in love, respect and honestyThe love and support children feel from parents and relatives will give them the strength to grow and develop and inform their family or relationships decisions future. But all families go through difficult times and some children and young people can find it hard to get on with parents or siblings if the family issues are not resolved in good time.

Signs of Family Problems    

Frequent arguing

Disagreements

Breakdown in communication

Anger outbursts

 Avoidance

Physical conflict

Emotional abuse

Courses of Family Problems

Financial problems: When problems like debts come in, couple’s quarrel and blame each other instead of communicating. If you are able to save a little or even contribute to your extended family, but see financial problems in your family, you only have an anxiety problem, not a financial one. Stop thinking about what could happen in the future it will deny your family happiness.

Spousal neglect: Don’t be too busy to put aside some activities and have good time together. Leave out selfish personal pursuits for one another.

Infidelity: Unfaithfulness could be caused by selfishness, mates lax or reluctance to show each other spouse intimacy; whatever the course, it leads to division, distrust, lack of communication, and    lack of emotional support. Be courageous and discus it.

Responsibilities Neglect: Absconding parental or mates-wife or husband responsibilities strains the family.

Communication failure: When communication breaks down, understanding is lost, without which, there is no expressed trust and reliance. Spend less time on gadgets to be able to communicate openly and freely. Tell each other something good about themselves.

Lack of Respect: Men want to be recognized and respected as family heads. Shouting, shaming, name calling and the rest exhibit disrespect between couples and or to children.

Lack of Submission:  It is neither enslaving the woman  nor is it a demonstration of her weakness but a show of her strength  in recognizing every group and family included, needs a leader who doesn’t  necessarily need to be her regardless of her social or economical standing over her husband.

Dominance:  Though the wife submits to a man, it doesn’t mean she is a lesser being. Man should love and respect his family and make them feel valued and not demean or belittle them. None should bully or harass the other physically or emotionally.

Lack of Trust: Without trust a family lives on suspicion which stifles communication, respect, and natural affection.

Children Rebellion: If a child refuses the advice or to heed to a directive given, parents must work together and jointly deny him or her choice. Have one voice and point towards the children regardless of your different ways of seeing things. Don’t let emotions deny you a chance to demonstrate your love to your children through correction of bad tendencies.

Lack of Affection and Emotional Support: This may lead to unfaithfulness and delinquency among children. Your family is your priority, and it’s your God given responsibility to provide affection, emotional and physical support to your mate and children.

In-laws influence: Be honest but respectful. Let them know your family is your responsibility and don’t give them opportunity to dictate to you. Value their input, but do what’s best for your family. Your parents had an opportunity to build a family in which you grew; it is your time to build a family in which your children will grow.

Lack of Natural Affection: Children especially teenagers may lose their love  to parents if they don’t have time for them. Listen to them and be available to discuss their problems.

Difference in opinions, personalities, beliefs, values or goals: Let us realize we are all different that why each of us is special and be accommodative.

Change in family circumstances: Changes should be approached soberly and with open mind. Discus them before they occur and have an action plan to adopt the same. They could include; new baby, relocation, bringing in a member of extended family, children age transition e.g.  Boy’s circumcision, their marriage, among others.

Stress: Stress will affect sex life, affection, communication within a family, which may strain the couple’s relationship and relations with their children.

Issues of sexuality: Denial of sexual responsibilities can lead to infidelity. Mates belong to each other and none should be mean in sharing their feelings, emotions and physical impulses with the other.

Alcohol or drug use: This will have a toll on emotional, physical, mental and financial aspects and will impact negatively on the family.

Gambling problems: This will drain the family finances and put pressure on the relationship and breed mistrust.

Mental health problems: Caused by diseases, drugs/alcohol abuse, or stress, will affect how mates and children relate.

Effects of Family Problems/Issues

Family members are the most important people to any person and relationship problems can be considerably distressing and can lead to:

Negative emotions – anger, sadness, anxiety

Stress/depression

Exhaustion

Confusion

Feeling isolated, alone or withdrawn

Lack of concentration

Difficulty eating or sleeping

Problems with friends, colleagues or your children

Using alcohol or drugs to cope or escape

Suicide

Extra marital relations

Diseases e.g. sexually transmitted diseases, high blood pressure, heart problems, etc

HOW CAN YOU DEAL WITH FAMILY ISSUES: Way Forward

Communicate:  Discus your concerns calmly and honestly with your loved ones 

Accept your differences: Accept people have different ideas, opinions and beliefs and hence disagreement.
 

Have fun together: Find reason to have fun and be happy even when things are bad 

Make a plan: Like a budget to sort out financial problems 

Get help: Seek professional help like counseling

Regular exercise: To remain healthy and focused.

All families are different, and their challenges can have a huge effect on children and young people. The love and support children feel from parents and relatives will give them the strength to grow and develop. MLSC intends to equip both parents and children with mental and emotional tools to help them best address family issues; emerge stronger and more united from every problem. Our relations as parents will affect our children relations choices and the kind of families they will have in future.

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